Hamlet (original title: Omlet, Prince of Dairymart)

Cast:

Susan- Rosencrantz, Bernardo, 1st Gravedigger,Sports Commentator 1&2(Bob + Frank)

Alyssa- Francisco, Gertrude

Janice- Ophelia

Becky- Marcellus, Laertes, 2nd Gravedigger

Carolyn- Gertrude

Sarah- Guildenstern, Osric, Laudius

Brendan- Hamlet

Jesse- Polonius, 1st Storm Trooper

Kyle- Horatio

Ryan- Claudius, 2nd Storm Trooper

Mom- Mertrude

Dad- Omlet

Here are my favorite improvisations and goofs from the final film.(to see my actual script, in it's entirety, Click Here)

Bernardo- Wassup?!!

Francisco- Wassup!!

Horatio-(to ghost) What art thou that usurpst at this time of night with the fair and maje-, and warlike form of our majesty with Denmark I charge thee speak!(one breath)

Marcellus- Is there an echo in here?

Hamlet- Shut up, you!

Hamlet- Then saw not you his face?

Horatio- Oh yes my lord, he wore his beaver up.

Hamlet- His BEAVER?!

Horatio- His visor. On his helmet.

Hamlet- Why didn't you just SAY "visor"? I mean, throw me a freakin' bone here!

Horatio- Sorry. Fine, I'll say visor.

Hamlet- Yes, quite alright.

Ghost- Luke, I mean Hamlet, I am your fajah.

Hamlet- Fajah?

Ghost- Father. I have an accent, isn't that veird?

Hamlet-(to horatio) Anyway, I saw my father's ghost in the clouds. It was like one of those Lion King things.

Hamlet-But really, it'll be like I'm invisible. Like the Invisible Man. Like that movie about the man who's invisible.

Horatio- Yeah, I think I saw that-

Hamlet- Yes! The Invisible Man!

Horatio- Whatever shall we do, my lord?

Hamlet- Hide until it all blows over?

Horatio- No, they'd be sexing that- expecting that.

Hamlet-(v.o) I decided to bizounce before things got ugly.

Brendan- I would never forget you, mother. You are my father's... brother's, you have married-,geez, Leave me!

Carolyn-(bewildered look)

Brendan- I don't REMEMBER my line!

Other Items of Interest

• There is either a script, a camera stand, or a light in practically every shot of the film. In the kitchen scenes we like to refer to the scripts as "place mats".
• The filming schedule was reworked every night during production.
• There are inexplicably two Gertrudes. One day in which I could not work around her, Alyssa couldn't come so we called in Carolyn for the day.
• Act 1 Scene 5 had more takes than any other part of the film. Kyle simply could not get past his opening lines. I took the liberty of using the funnier takes throughout the bloopers.
• There is a continuity problem between that scene and the scene before it. In Scene 4, Brendan was accompanied by Kyle and Susan. When the other characters
  re-enter in Scene 5, Becky is there instead of Susan. However, the problem is almost explained away by Brendan's improv: "What the heck are you
  doing here?"
• When I wrote in the stage directions that in Act 2 Scene 1 Polonius is sleeping on the kitchen table, I mean to change it to something more sensical. But Jesse said he had no problem falling off the table, so we did it.
• While practicing the gravedigging scene, the skull broke. In the actual scene, it lacks a jawbone.
• During Act 2 Scene 1, Polonius has a very long speech. So long that we shot a separate close up so we could hold up cue cards for Jesse. In the background, you can hear the rest of the cast quoting "Goldmember" in the living room.